I just thought that I would regale you with my latest date propositions. Now, mind you, I typically have this magnetic pull to 2 kinds of people (Don't get me wrong, I've had some decent luck with guys too, but they're not as funny to write about).
1.) The Elderly--Ok, not elderly in the walker stage...but the 40's and 50's...and many times, they don't speak English. One of my most traumatizing experiences in high school was when I worked in the mall at an Orange Julius. While walking through the mall to get to work, this 50+ year-old Spanish-speaking man started yelling at me. Mind you, he wasn't yelling words...he was just yelling. So I whip my head around, and he starts smooching his lips and kissing at me. Then came the lewd hand motions. Fabulous. I also had a stalker in college while I worked at the coffee shop. I think I actually met him my very first day of classes of my Jr. year at Liberty during a break in the computer lab, if I remember correctly. His name was Peter, and he had to be in his mid to late 30's (I was 18). He just sat down at my table and started talking to me, and I was polite...and maybe I shouldn't have been. So he then started following me around. Then, he found out that I worked at the coffee shop IN the computer lab, and he would always come and sit at one of the tables, watching while I worked. We got each other on a vibey level, apparently. I will never forget one of the last times I encountered him. (Mind you, he was around for two years) I was working with my friends, Andrea and Nai, when he came up. The first time, there was a weird situation in which he ordered his "usual," I didn't know what it was (since he never ordered anything), and he got mad and creeptastic. He started conversing about summer plans and then told me he might be coming to see me...and named the exact town I lived in...which I had never shared with him. When asked how he knew that, he just laughed. About an hour later, we saw him coming back, so Andrea and Nai told me to go into the back. I did, but he came and started yelling, saying that he knew I was back there and for me to come out. So Nai (who was never afraid of anyone) started yelling at him to leave and to leave me alone. And then he said something to the effect of "I'll shoot you" to her. Crazy freak.... (OH, and apparently, one of our other co-workers knew him, and he was MARRIED..but his wife was in Africa still)
2.) The Young- I mean, they sometimes come as young as 3 or 4. Don't get jealous. I'm just lovable. (And sometimes I bribe them with candy, but whatevs!) Hahahaha! Other times, they could be jr. high...Another time during my jr. year in college, I worked at Winterfest with Nai and our other friend, Kim, for our Christian Service that semester. Winterfest is this 2-3 day event that has a lot of Christian speakers/concerts over New Year's and is geared towards Youth Groups. Let me just say that I was madly pursued by a couple of 13/14 year-olds. Yeah, again, don't be jealous. Some people just have "it." (Heh...that phrasing could be either positive or negative upon reflection...)
Well, anywho...I've been asked out twice within the past week...by complete strangers...and both strange encounters. One was in Wal-Mart, and one was in Toys 'R Us...and I had to lie to both of them.
1.) Wal-Mart Guy - I was minding my own business. I was looking for a freaking cupcake pan/carrier. KK has one...and I wanted it because I make cupcakes for my Sunday School class pretty often, and I hate smushing the frosting....(meanwhile, I have found one at Target). Anywho...I had a load of stuff in my arms, and I put it all down on a shelf for a minute to rearrange it, so it's more carry-friendly. While I was doing that, this guy approaches me. Straight ghetto...no lies...baggy jeans halfway down his butt, diiiirrrrrty white wifebeater, tall plaid trucker hat....oh, and he had a grill. Fabulous. Conversation goes a little like this...
Him: Excuse me, Miss. Can you help me with something?
Me: Uh, I can try. (I thought that he had a question about the store or something)
Him: PLEASE say you don't have a boyfriend.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: 'Cuz if you don't, I wanna take you out.
Me: Uh...I don't really think...
Him: Come on
Me: *lies* Sorry, but I'm already seeing someone...
Him: Ok, then we can be friends...just hang with me, and I'll show you how I roll, and you can drop him...
Me: No, I don't think so, but thanks for asking..
Him: We can't be friends? Come on now...we can get to KNOW each otha....
Me: Uh, I gotta go...sorry...thanks, though...
I get flustered really easily when people don't understand "No."
2.) Toys 'R Us - This one made me feel semi-bad. I was wasting time, pricing stuff for Christmas. I happened to be in the aisle with Littlest Pet Shop toys when this kid walks up to me....who, at first, glance, I figure is around 14 or 15 years old...
Him: What would you say if I asked you out RIGHT NOW? (he didn't mince words...right to the point...I like that in a man...bahhahahahaha..j/k)
Me: I'd probably tell you that you're a little too young for me.
Him: How old do you think I am?
Me: *choosing my words carefully since I know that some people look young for their age...like, uh, myself, for instance* In your teens.
Him: Oh, thank you very much, but no.
Me: *looking at him skeptically* How old are you?
Him: How old are YOU?
Me: I'm 25 (the only time I've ever said that to use in my favor. I've been freaking out about the Big 2-5 next month, but I figured saying 25 would make him go away). Now how old are you?
Him: 20
Me: Yeah, see...I'm a little too old for you (meanwhile thinking he's lying too....) I'm sorry.
Him: No, that's not true. Remember, "Age ain't nothin but a number"
Me: I'm sorry, but I'm kind've seeing someone right now.
Him: Is it serious?
Me: I'm really sorry, but I've got to go.
Him: Ok....bye.....
And he looked so forlorn as we parted ways. But seriously...this kid was, like, half my size...and like I said, I think he was lying about the 20 business. If I wanted my own Jonas Brother, I'd go after a real one. bahahahaaha! And in all seriousness, if I really wanted to rob the cradle, I really have only one thing to say....TLautz.
Come on, now...don't hate. Appreciate! This kid is ADORABLE. And too hot for his own good at such a young age. Poor kid's gonna be scarred for life after all of these old ladies and the way they thrust their thongs at him. But seriously...where were the Taylor Lautner's when I was 17??? (ok, so the real one was in grade school...but you know what I mean) Just sayin...
28 days....4 weeks...beautiful...got your tickets yet? ;)
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